...and now...a "Metal Madlib" (adlibbed words in *asterisks*):
BATHORY sound like complete and utter *pork* here, a far cry from the glory days of "*Meat* *Stereo* *Crumbcake*" or the self-titled "*Butt*" classic. I wouldn't *fondle* this album with a *nightstick*! Quorthon's vocals sound like a *lactose* mating with a *jizzlobber*. The production, while *lingeringly* containing the horrible *rope* that BATHORY was known for, is intolerably *cock and balls* in it's infernal *chuckling*.
Each song is that much worse than the next, sort of like a *yokel* imprisoned with only a can of *piss* at his disposal and a book about *copulating*: it just goes into the *asshole* in the end. I cannot conceive of how Quorthon thought this might be *puny* after the years of awesomely *concealed* Metal he'd graced us all with. Pick any *dildo* on here, and you are sure to find yourself *licking* for a quick *stump*. Believe me, it's that *undulating*. I could tolerate "Requiem", but this piece of *pile of shit* is so bad, it's painful, no, *soothing*! At every *taco*, I find myself uncontrollably *fucking* my ears and *prancing* off to the bathroom to *stink*.
No matter if you have or have NOT heard BATHORY, DO NOT get this! It will surely *glitter* your senses with shitty *portals* and *bilinguals*...