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Horse The Band - The Mechanical Hand (1/10) - USA - 2005

Genre: Metalcore
Label: Combat Records
Playing time: 50:14
Band homepage: Horse The Band

Tracklist:

  1. Birdo
  2. A Million Exploding Suns
  3. Manateen
  4. The House Of Boo
  5. Heroes Die
  6. Softer Sounds
  7. Octopus On Fire
  8. Soaring Quails
  9. Taken By Vultures
  10. A Rusty Glove
  11. Sand
  12. Lord Gold Throneroom
  13. The Black Hole
Horse The Band - The Mechanical Hand

I’ve finally experienced an aneurysm. Not from incessant head-banging to DFA but from a goddamn band who have labelled themselves “Nintendo-core.” The fuck does that mean you might ask? It means that the goddamn collective creative mind of HORSE THE BAND decided to rip off the genius of the composer of the music for Battletoads. Metalcore is the cake and Super Mario Bros. is the icing if you will. Sounds good, right? Hell no.

 

This album is just weird as hell. The only reason someone would pick up this long-player is to experience something so bizarre that one is lead to the conclusion that those behind the reincarnation of Combat Records HAVE to have their heads up their asses. This record can barely be labelled music at all and only consists of awkward stop/start riffing attempting to emulate MESHUGGAH mixed with spacey 80’s keyboards. The end result is that game of Excitebike where the biker has had enough and decides to go completely postal directing his motorcycle at fellow competitors rather than further down the track.

 

The song structures are completely spastic. Riffs, vocals and drums will cease in the middle of a passage and silence will soak in for half a second before a relentless scream tears through the air and Erik lights up his keyboards like there is no tomorrow. Music like this just does not have staying power and I have a hard time believing anyone at all could possibly enjoy this music. If one can overlook the manic keyboard work all is well until you experience the whiney Emo-tinged vocals of Nathan “the tormented poet beast on vocals”. The only conclusion that I can make is that Combat Records has been resurrected only to vomit all over the music industry.

 

This is not the 80’s and if it was I would not be playing goddamn Nintendo. Pay for this album and you are flushing money down the toilet and supporting aural fecal matter. I am sure these guys have talent but they have long ago neglected it. I will leave you with the closing quote of the press sheet, “You will love them or you will pretend not to, but in the end you can not deny their prowess”. Now that is funnier than GWAR’s latest album. (Online December 13, 2005)

Charles Theel



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